Oh wow! I didn't even make that connection! I'm glad I was thinking abt Four Quartets and not Hollow Men in the moment, ha. But cool to see a parallel after the fact.
My goal is to eventually write an essay collection/short book about the whole crazy time, because it feels like it needs space for proper storytelling. But we'll see if I get there. Thanks for reading. :)
Read this whole piece the first time I saw it, and have thought about it every day since. Aside from my admiration for your way with words, you have renewed my commitment to weaving phrases of truth into the liturgical words that make up home life and offer anchors during times of need.
That was a riveting read. The part where you describe the numbing process had me flinching, taking my glasses off and feeling around my eyes with my fingers. An utterly visceral piece of reportage, reminding me of the Jean Stafford story, "The Interior Castle."
Thanks for reading. :) And yeah, the poem was basically a condescended attempt to capture some of the same experience, with a particular focus on how thankful I was to my friend for being there and helping the whole thing feel a little less crazy and awful. She's a real one.
I had a very different kind of medical emergency last year but I related a lot to this. It was such a surreal experience I read over the official hospital notes every now and then to remind myself of the actual timeline of events (as opposed to the suspended-outside-of-time experience I remember, punctuated by "coming back to earth" as you describe, in moments of pain). These experiences shape us and our attitude toward suffering, that's for sure!
Sadly my only spiritual moment was the moment they gave me the REAL painkillers after hours of agony but I have been able to reflect on the experience from a spiritual perspective in hindsight.
Thank you Olivia. I was almost clawing at my face while I read this, it was so real. I could identify with reciting the Lord's Prayer repeatedly at a moment when the brain seems to turn off, and getting " stuck" on the first 2 lines...
I really liked your reference to The Four Quartets! And also wow..that was a really intense read. Thanks for letting sharing your experience.
The part where you wrote how you couldn’t pray more than the first few lines of the Lord’s Prayer reminded me of the last few lines of The Hollow Men:
“Life is very long
For Thine is the Kingdom
For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the”
I’m glad that your experience went beyond the scope of The Hollow Men. (:
Oh wow! I didn't even make that connection! I'm glad I was thinking abt Four Quartets and not Hollow Men in the moment, ha. But cool to see a parallel after the fact.
Gripping, and would have certainly read more about the whole story. Glad that you have passed through that to where you are now.
My goal is to eventually write an essay collection/short book about the whole crazy time, because it feels like it needs space for proper storytelling. But we'll see if I get there. Thanks for reading. :)
This one had me in tears. Thank you for sharing.
💛
Read this whole piece the first time I saw it, and have thought about it every day since. Aside from my admiration for your way with words, you have renewed my commitment to weaving phrases of truth into the liturgical words that make up home life and offer anchors during times of need.
I love this takeaway! Those words get so deep into our souls, and we really do need them when we're scared or hurting.
That was a riveting read. The part where you describe the numbing process had me flinching, taking my glasses off and feeling around my eyes with my fingers. An utterly visceral piece of reportage, reminding me of the Jean Stafford story, "The Interior Castle."
I've not heard of that story! I'll have to look it up. Sorry for imposing that reaction on you. 😬 (But it means I described it accurately!)
Incredible, Olivia. Thanks for giving us this narrative to go along with -and expand upon- your Emergency Room poem.
Thanks for reading. :) And yeah, the poem was basically a condescended attempt to capture some of the same experience, with a particular focus on how thankful I was to my friend for being there and helping the whole thing feel a little less crazy and awful. She's a real one.
I had a very different kind of medical emergency last year but I related a lot to this. It was such a surreal experience I read over the official hospital notes every now and then to remind myself of the actual timeline of events (as opposed to the suspended-outside-of-time experience I remember, punctuated by "coming back to earth" as you describe, in moments of pain). These experiences shape us and our attitude toward suffering, that's for sure!
Sadly my only spiritual moment was the moment they gave me the REAL painkillers after hours of agony but I have been able to reflect on the experience from a spiritual perspective in hindsight.
Thank you Olivia. I was almost clawing at my face while I read this, it was so real. I could identify with reciting the Lord's Prayer repeatedly at a moment when the brain seems to turn off, and getting " stuck" on the first 2 lines...